自由之路 發表於 2013-10-29 22:42 
$ O i- @. R: r+ ^3 ~3 kBecause of their size which are tiny, in any spaces which is small, what baby support cushions have ...
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2 w# _3 ?! ^1 A; O6 d k9 rHaving baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head can keep the baby's head from rolling around during transport.& C# V+ N4 h$ ~% x, ]2 |% n
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學員改寫:
& j1 t0 V) i+ n, C% e$ Z: G8 kwhat baby support cushions have is cradle the body while supporting effectively for the baby head can keep your baby's head safe from rolling around during transport in your car.
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" E. h" @ f( @5 J6 t這裡屬於原文稍微難一點,因為較長
0 T" ~- c( a8 e. B9 RA can keep B from doing C6 A' t A' g$ r; P( N0 Q
A = Having baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head
" `+ q; V" a# i1 X$ ]B = the baby's head) Z/ e/ U2 t( f& c* O E, r3 l. {
doing C = rolling around during transport
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* i7 F) l. N K* p但是學員思路是挺好的,我們繼續按照此思路改寫
7 s& j4 s1 m) ?5 DWhat we have is the baby support cushions cradling the body that can keep the baby's head from rolling around by supporting it during transport.
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8 b6 R7 Y: t( b' o這裡的改寫方法都是樂樂改寫中提到的,這樣改出的句子,可讀性可以和原文對照,基本是一致的,但更核心問題是 樂樂改寫方法,保護了文章內最要的東西,也就是很多自己改寫時候忽略掉的。。。
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