自由之路 發表於 2013-10-29 22:42 & _! Z6 G( W+ H- f6 N4 A' C7 @
Because of their size which are tiny, in any spaces which is small, what baby support cushions have ... % D) _# F( C$ Y+ T8 ^! t
原文:
$ s1 K$ {2 s1 n- J) y0 |0 dHaving baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head can keep the baby's head from rolling around during transport.& p% V2 G& w, {% \
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學員改寫:
7 k% v+ R1 r" h$ X/ E% M [8 z( Ywhat baby support cushions have is cradle the body while supporting effectively for the baby head can keep your baby's head safe from rolling around during transport in your car.
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! \ b! V2 g3 |; G這裡屬於原文稍微難一點,因為較長3 ~8 h8 P7 `! j7 h' A; {
A can keep B from doing C
9 F7 y+ B' f$ iA = Having baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head3 z2 _% d, }8 t1 z) B9 W% `
B = the baby's head
9 C0 C# F, O. I5 P) }; ddoing C = rolling around during transport* R c, [. ?: l
( K( Y' |- q, Y7 A" L3 T% Q但是學員思路是挺好的,我們繼續按照此思路改寫5 O, `( I8 X+ M- p4 I( J9 K ^
What we have is the baby support cushions cradling the body that can keep the baby's head from rolling around by supporting it during transport.
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7 Y6 \+ i) I$ ^2 q* [這裡的改寫方法都是樂樂改寫中提到的,這樣改出的句子,可讀性可以和原文對照,基本是一致的,但更核心問題是 樂樂改寫方法,保護了文章內最要的東西,也就是很多自己改寫時候忽略掉的。。。
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