自由之路 發表於 2013-10-29 22:42 ; s, F% W" k. _( \, t) ~: Q
Because of their size which are tiny, in any spaces which is small, what baby support cushions have ... ( R* ]9 m' s- j" B' W
原文:7 x! L# l* q: o' l
Having baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head can keep the baby's head from rolling around during transport.
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+ s) W' B, m. h: ^6 e' v學員改寫:
, M6 P% M7 Y w9 @& z: X$ wwhat baby support cushions have is cradle the body while supporting effectively for the baby head can keep your baby's head safe from rolling around during transport in your car.; ]9 d" E* T7 t8 L. U6 J
~; X0 I% P( F: y( u這裡屬於原文稍微難一點,因為較長
9 u0 S7 a/ x9 a: f/ Y aA can keep B from doing C4 e6 E" z- L3 X* m& n y4 ^1 f
A = Having baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head
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doing C = rolling around during transport
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% B$ {# c5 b6 R7 l2 t, H& l2 b但是學員思路是挺好的,我們繼續按照此思路改寫
% F! S, P3 l+ x- J* Z; J$ mWhat we have is the baby support cushions cradling the body that can keep the baby's head from rolling around by supporting it during transport.1 u3 }7 Q' Z% L3 B5 X D
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這裡的改寫方法都是樂樂改寫中提到的,這樣改出的句子,可讀性可以和原文對照,基本是一致的,但更核心問題是 樂樂改寫方法,保護了文章內最要的東西,也就是很多自己改寫時候忽略掉的。。。# H2 Q* V0 u% e) q( v
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