自由之路 發表於 2013-10-29 22:42 $ O4 m" U4 ^. x; d5 ]7 m7 ?
Because of their size which are tiny, in any spaces which is small, what baby support cushions have ... # x8 S9 c$ c, ^, \" t. w4 U% b+ @
原文:3 q4 |! \+ [. ^
Having baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head can keep the baby's head from rolling around during transport.2 W# i4 F, {# ^7 a/ Q
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學員改寫:
[9 E7 v2 D: {- p9 \4 b6 ~/ i$ ywhat baby support cushions have is cradle the body while supporting effectively for the baby head can keep your baby's head safe from rolling around during transport in your car.
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6 x+ _8 l @, U* C2 `這裡屬於原文稍微難一點,因為較長
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A = Having baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head0 S, ]) v& H$ z0 f& g' ?( n
B = the baby's head* O L$ Z* ]9 a" ?: I7 ?, a
doing C = rolling around during transport
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1 {- F4 G% Z' w1 q, Z0 H7 D但是學員思路是挺好的,我們繼續按照此思路改寫
1 L- e. D7 ~ {What we have is the baby support cushions cradling the body that can keep the baby's head from rolling around by supporting it during transport.5 J* M8 ^- D& o. x; v6 q* d- H
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這裡的改寫方法都是樂樂改寫中提到的,這樣改出的句子,可讀性可以和原文對照,基本是一致的,但更核心問題是 樂樂改寫方法,保護了文章內最要的東西,也就是很多自己改寫時候忽略掉的。。。
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