自由之路 發表於 2013-10-29 22:42 
3 d+ S3 l8 n# }9 R, WBecause of their size which are tiny, in any spaces which is small, what baby support cushions have ... & f1 K- Z* p7 J2 a9 H
原文:
# w: Z: V- l) h3 p. K: cHaving baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head can keep the baby's head from rolling around during transport.4 j$ `+ w) L% P- F" W2 |, E
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學員改寫:
' z: ^7 x0 z( j( Ywhat baby support cushions have is cradle the body while supporting effectively for the baby head can keep your baby's head safe from rolling around during transport in your car.& I1 K$ U9 O u/ `
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這裡屬於原文稍微難一點,因為較長
9 E$ Q4 _* A# l5 k1 y! QA can keep B from doing C
; w& t6 ^5 P5 o- W1 DA = Having baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head& h( ?$ L. v' c( o; K/ Q
B = the baby's head
1 z* W% A4 ^0 K: `+ c7 G. Fdoing C = rolling around during transport
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但是學員思路是挺好的,我們繼續按照此思路改寫
3 I6 Y, V8 T) T0 Y& H8 n! X9 q/ i4 \: NWhat we have is the baby support cushions cradling the body that can keep the baby's head from rolling around by supporting it during transport.
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1 b& X/ s m9 ?8 v! M% A這裡的改寫方法都是樂樂改寫中提到的,這樣改出的句子,可讀性可以和原文對照,基本是一致的,但更核心問題是 樂樂改寫方法,保護了文章內最要的東西,也就是很多自己改寫時候忽略掉的。。。
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