自由之路 發表於 2013-10-29 22:42 4 t" X% {, U6 X5 q! ?
Because of their size which are tiny, in any spaces which is small, what baby support cushions have ... , k' z: ]) N# H2 a& x/ L
原文:2 |6 a$ [1 V$ ~! ?( M( Q/ g* f+ p# e
Having baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head can keep the baby's head from rolling around during transport.# A7 d3 f6 j' S P& E7 B( i, p+ N
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學員改寫:
( L" @9 |* U+ Vwhat baby support cushions have is cradle the body while supporting effectively for the baby head can keep your baby's head safe from rolling around during transport in your car.
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* v, ], T- c( G7 f這裡屬於原文稍微難一點,因為較長% r0 l0 \, N6 D: O. |0 g3 K
A can keep B from doing C
8 f F9 A5 f/ q+ m4 c* ~A = Having baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head% K) d) D5 M9 b" ^2 O: N
B = the baby's head
% e* B, A+ D8 udoing C = rolling around during transport
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但是學員思路是挺好的,我們繼續按照此思路改寫; u( K5 E( y4 M) O5 C& z
What we have is the baby support cushions cradling the body that can keep the baby's head from rolling around by supporting it during transport.
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' ?) l% z W+ F$ Y H這裡的改寫方法都是樂樂改寫中提到的,這樣改出的句子,可讀性可以和原文對照,基本是一致的,但更核心問題是 樂樂改寫方法,保護了文章內最要的東西,也就是很多自己改寫時候忽略掉的。。。
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