自由之路 發表於 2013-10-29 22:42 7 U, |1 i: i/ F; ?! ^, b8 F6 {
Because of their size which are tiny, in any spaces which is small, what baby support cushions have ...
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; b U7 i Q6 z5 T( x" u: zHaving baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head can keep the baby's head from rolling around during transport.8 j7 K' p/ j, }5 w9 }! @8 a
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學員改寫:
% E) U! f1 e# n# ?% Owhat baby support cushions have is cradle the body while supporting effectively for the baby head can keep your baby's head safe from rolling around during transport in your car.
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這裡屬於原文稍微難一點,因為較長
; a" S6 ^8 S9 \: W/ O/ hA can keep B from doing C
' _8 o% f, S' I" @A = Having baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head. b/ y! `. {& O' g+ [4 b
B = the baby's head1 v4 }% |( M; B, U( q2 b
doing C = rolling around during transport
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但是學員思路是挺好的,我們繼續按照此思路改寫
' c2 H" H9 q" i% X# N$ |! @+ DWhat we have is the baby support cushions cradling the body that can keep the baby's head from rolling around by supporting it during transport.
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( ? K& G [5 w' k: z/ z7 }7 X' L這裡的改寫方法都是樂樂改寫中提到的,這樣改出的句子,可讀性可以和原文對照,基本是一致的,但更核心問題是 樂樂改寫方法,保護了文章內最要的東西,也就是很多自己改寫時候忽略掉的。。。
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