自由之路 發表於 2013-10-29 22:42 
5 p% x0 N. r7 e3 I6 i6 ~- N' Z! bBecause of their size which are tiny, in any spaces which is small, what baby support cushions have ...
1 c8 w* w0 b+ `1 Y" a原文:
" }# \+ P D& iHaving baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head can keep the baby's head from rolling around during transport.) W. y8 \0 \& b" C$ T
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學員改寫:# r9 r$ Q" O4 p, M
what baby support cushions have is cradle the body while supporting effectively for the baby head can keep your baby's head safe from rolling around during transport in your car.
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3 A& e6 f! o3 R! g這裡屬於原文稍微難一點,因為較長6 f Q0 H0 {5 H1 `3 |1 {1 |# {" i: h
A can keep B from doing C
6 C4 O, |) V& z4 K/ V- q9 wA = Having baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head
) b# e% {" p4 zB = the baby's head
; I3 `& a( u3 {doing C = rolling around during transport
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但是學員思路是挺好的,我們繼續按照此思路改寫
8 l# B+ o4 O0 `. Z) nWhat we have is the baby support cushions cradling the body that can keep the baby's head from rolling around by supporting it during transport.
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這裡的改寫方法都是樂樂改寫中提到的,這樣改出的句子,可讀性可以和原文對照,基本是一致的,但更核心問題是 樂樂改寫方法,保護了文章內最要的東西,也就是很多自己改寫時候忽略掉的。。。. H) Q0 z/ P% q, M
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