自由之路 發表於 2013-10-29 22:42 
" p# ], C/ t0 cBecause of their size which are tiny, in any spaces which is small, what baby support cushions have ...
9 M5 c. R1 k% a: j4 q原文:
" V* P) {4 `* ] w, L6 oHaving baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head can keep the baby's head from rolling around during transport.8 s* I5 O( ]0 ?! R# |0 A* n% w
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學員改寫:7 h, {9 m/ C& f
what baby support cushions have is cradle the body while supporting effectively for the baby head can keep your baby's head safe from rolling around during transport in your car.
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$ f0 m7 J. C0 O D* U' _7 n這裡屬於原文稍微難一點,因為較長
5 n# X, ~% R( P, KA can keep B from doing C+ r4 {( l( y& u3 [- @
A = Having baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head
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doing C = rolling around during transport
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但是學員思路是挺好的,我們繼續按照此思路改寫
4 `+ |! j# o6 l' n2 I( ?, ~5 uWhat we have is the baby support cushions cradling the body that can keep the baby's head from rolling around by supporting it during transport.3 y! `( a3 n. e; r5 d( L9 ^
& g7 F8 |1 o Y- e: f這裡的改寫方法都是樂樂改寫中提到的,這樣改出的句子,可讀性可以和原文對照,基本是一致的,但更核心問題是 樂樂改寫方法,保護了文章內最要的東西,也就是很多自己改寫時候忽略掉的。。。
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