自由之路 發表於 2013-10-29 22:42 & d$ [9 X, Y# k, j" J2 B
Because of their size which are tiny, in any spaces which is small, what baby support cushions have ... % \5 n2 \- [$ n+ k/ _$ _# v
原文:
|# o x( d4 t8 v0 G, c6 DHaving baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head can keep the baby's head from rolling around during transport.
9 c1 o. r& r& x) c0 h# P( ?5 j, C- l: S. Y O9 f. y- o
學員改寫:
. Y* m9 D! l- nwhat baby support cushions have is cradle the body while supporting effectively for the baby head can keep your baby's head safe from rolling around during transport in your car.' ~( q K* l5 l6 V% W. H, [' V2 _# k
* l# E- B/ N9 {1 ]! Z6 U2 g% q
這裡屬於原文稍微難一點,因為較長 h) z1 z" G, e) x; h# g3 y: V
A can keep B from doing C
. m& y L* ?3 b, i1 \. T. L4 P4 oA = Having baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head
e; h* H3 R! g T- F* d' L( nB = the baby's head
4 l5 b- g; c6 q: g' b, j! y A, `doing C = rolling around during transport
( I! F: M! N- m) V& J k1 w
7 j+ f/ ?0 O- W6 @% X6 g但是學員思路是挺好的,我們繼續按照此思路改寫5 l# F! X5 v* n6 I) `
What we have is the baby support cushions cradling the body that can keep the baby's head from rolling around by supporting it during transport.
# B, x6 k8 R0 a
9 B; j( N+ x; F這裡的改寫方法都是樂樂改寫中提到的,這樣改出的句子,可讀性可以和原文對照,基本是一致的,但更核心問題是 樂樂改寫方法,保護了文章內最要的東西,也就是很多自己改寫時候忽略掉的。。。
+ @5 c2 z. m" s4 z. n) ^/ a2 ~
" z4 D6 p7 c) d8 W2 @: G |