自由之路 發表於 2013-10-29 22:42 : E! k. o4 O+ U4 Q" O# {. d* v0 `
Because of their size which are tiny, in any spaces which is small, what baby support cushions have ...
$ `. u" N1 I, [$ K% J! i) A+ Q原文:
# T2 h$ f# K4 S& m+ n. CHaving baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head can keep the baby's head from rolling around during transport.1 h3 P4 w8 o; @# ^# S
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學員改寫:
) N1 Q( c! b/ |7 K2 }- ywhat baby support cushions have is cradle the body while supporting effectively for the baby head can keep your baby's head safe from rolling around during transport in your car.
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這裡屬於原文稍微難一點,因為較長7 ]3 J0 B, M' }! l: n$ s) a0 H
A can keep B from doing C
4 ]4 l& Y$ Y) O2 v- C QA = Having baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head
: d0 u; O$ @( {B = the baby's head
' [$ ]) ^# k/ e; r$ }% idoing C = rolling around during transport2 B; D1 `& _6 i0 P( d9 T4 z
- K8 q- T+ T, s' {( x' B8 ~但是學員思路是挺好的,我們繼續按照此思路改寫
N5 @, {1 k+ nWhat we have is the baby support cushions cradling the body that can keep the baby's head from rolling around by supporting it during transport.- V% ]. F+ ^) @! K. ]+ ?, ~+ s7 B
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這裡的改寫方法都是樂樂改寫中提到的,這樣改出的句子,可讀性可以和原文對照,基本是一致的,但更核心問題是 樂樂改寫方法,保護了文章內最要的東西,也就是很多自己改寫時候忽略掉的。。。# ]2 c# T+ R; e1 r: u
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