自由之路 發表於 2013-10-29 22:42 
( O* X& X; a+ [% F& A+ ]4 TBecause of their size which are tiny, in any spaces which is small, what baby support cushions have ... ! t" G. r( K/ R u7 Q9 Y8 O
原文:
8 M7 T5 c. X. [& r! `$ R+ ?Having baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head can keep the baby's head from rolling around during transport.( h* A U( v2 o/ x& j
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學員改寫:
. J& \- Y1 P( n" X, D& U" wwhat baby support cushions have is cradle the body while supporting effectively for the baby head can keep your baby's head safe from rolling around during transport in your car.2 B+ v7 m, M- y' X
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這裡屬於原文稍微難一點,因為較長 G7 l& q4 A ~, Y* ?3 T1 a
A can keep B from doing C& w* h4 R0 e& y6 t
A = Having baby support cushions that cradle the body while supporting the head
# G, m3 ^6 @ h" \" eB = the baby's head( A' O0 h, ~( _6 O) G/ k* P
doing C = rolling around during transport
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但是學員思路是挺好的,我們繼續按照此思路改寫
) V/ Q+ U7 Y% v7 |! P: T" YWhat we have is the baby support cushions cradling the body that can keep the baby's head from rolling around by supporting it during transport.
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3 E" d' B0 ]" i1 @1 S這裡的改寫方法都是樂樂改寫中提到的,這樣改出的句子,可讀性可以和原文對照,基本是一致的,但更核心問題是 樂樂改寫方法,保護了文章內最要的東西,也就是很多自己改寫時候忽略掉的。。。/ C* r% A) L- Z, j
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