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1.The problem with investment bank balance sheets is that..."on the left side, nothing is right. On the right, nothing is left."
* K7 E1 B: r J' e" k 2.There are 30 billion prime numbers below 700billion. The rest are all subprime. 7 m# z% }% Z/ k& g$ T% P
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3.How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.
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! ^. c, z- j; Y 4.For geography students: What』s the capital of Iceland? Answer: about three pounds fifty.
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! D# r% d& T% \0 [ 5.What』s the difference between a guy who just lost everything in Vegas and an investment banker? A tie. ) b" ~4 a) J. a- i# u. t, d6 G
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6.Whats the difference between a bond and a bond trader? A bond matures, trader doesn』t.
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NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS . . .
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CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer. ' m7 l, n$ B- J
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
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BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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2 o! ?7 x7 w6 U7 D/ p P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. ! y1 |) n8 b/ \; Z! ~9 E* ]
4 x. g; C& i5 P G! {: ? BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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8 u j% w1 O! _6 L3 @ STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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7 {5 ~) n- a3 _$ O/ s3 a) {$ J$ f* I STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock. ! c4 f: k& J; I9 B
2 C7 R: D, V. E7 r* ^ STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. + v9 T1 D# m4 O Q6 F4 f7 ^
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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+ T2 \ x, y9 O4 ?+ j6 _ MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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$ L6 Q% A3 ?& b9 z CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 3 ]8 m; c8 h' T% N# ?9 D4 k
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. 8 |: k$ R$ R+ w7 z) M% y+ f) O
8 M J# l/ F! x. Y7 C WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you』re the sucker who bought Yahoo@ $240 per share. INSTITUTIONAL
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INVESTOR -- Past year investor who』s now locked up in ant house.
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PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use. |
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