Everything you always wanted to know about computers... 6 x% X2 S6 z; ~3 ?+ S! c R+ T, T
INTRODUCTION
0 q/ a" C9 h, h: R4 Y4 Q1 M! j8 Z* j, \BIOS: Hmm... I'm waking up. Linux Loader, are you there ?
" Z7 v. `. s1 W7 CLILO: Hmm... Yes, I'm here. How do you do ? It's always a pleasure to work
% E! m! K3 ^4 f! _with you.
; Q3 y" q: `# tLet's load the kernel and launch init, the Mother of All Processes...
' U- ^, R1 v8 g( P4 W0 EINIT PROCESS: Hmm... Thanks Lilo. Let's initialize the system, mount the 5 w. U. Q( ?6 E' [) q
file-systems and launch one hundred daemons. OK, now I'm ready for logins.
8 L S5 p# f4 d- [LOGIN: Hey, I'm receiving a login request from user thierry, password guvreel. * Y- y1 t5 w1 A
INIT PROCESS: Ha ha ! This user is stupid, his password is just his user name
+ k( k1 }9 v; j2 R, G D6 X! P# d: Kwith a ROT13 encoding. Let's make fun of him.
7 D* v! ?: I- IUSER THIERRY: Hello everybody, please be kind with me today. I have a lot of
6 A! h" c8 a4 N; Z# f: F* [serious things to do.
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0 k- e% o% A; X+ V6 e( `CHAPTER I - A Real Programmer
) O/ S3 K' A$ |' ?USER THIERRY: I'll start with that C++ program I have been trying to write ( m- h) W- z8 V' Q4 g
for the last fifteen days. gcc, could you please compile it for me ? 6 O% j% @5 \/ d3 s. k$ F- K+ F3 q
GCC COMPILER: Very well, sir. So, your program is myproc.C. Let's parse it. 9 W8 h% G. ]' L2 C" s
Preprocessor directives, class declarations, comments, type declarations # j) ]% G6 Z$ T% g5 r2 g/ K
... Well, what is the purpose of this program ? Method declarations,
# c7 s" a Q' p2 D1 n/ }other comments, macros... Hey, there are only declarations, no real code
( h. J" B( { [0 ?& {# G$ e+ ^to do some real work. I'm completely lost in your code !
0 w- f4 g5 M- ^! _; FEach time I compile C++ code, I regret I'm not a Lisp interpreter. 6 R; l) I/ j$ V$ p9 T
USER THIERRY: Oh, please, try another pass. I remember I wrote some real code
7 D3 Y' N. Y. }) Taround line 1764.
) I B6 [5 c) aGCC COMPILER: Line 1764 says: cout << "Hello, world" << endl. You're right, ' ^, [! ?2 S* Y% c
that is a piece of real and useful code, with no syntax error. Let's
% R; e, G6 U9 Y* E$ x0 Ebuild and link that program...
* C( E8 S& F' S0 Q% o v4 ?Now it's finished, here is your executable.
+ `2 `* d, |% F# ?' m5 SUSER THIERRY: Good, now I'll run it. 7 ^/ }, @: @0 _1 J7 m ?7 N+ f
MYPROG PROCESS: Hmm... I'm waking up. I am a C++ program, so I will first h P4 E* b; U1 A
create a few objects which will consume a lot of memory for no reason
, b# ]& @' F) Aat all.
1 S; s( b: l5 M" p& IC++ OBJECT #1: I'm hungry ! Gimme memory ! : A" d5 K# ~3 V* j
C++ OBJECT #2: Memory ! I need more memory ! # | w2 E& @7 C* i
MYPROG PROCESS: Object #1, please free some memory for object #2.
6 F. ^0 H( [% nC++ OBJECT #1: No, I was programmed to eat memory and never release it. My
' F o( b9 [* Z; V* dprogrammer is an illiterate who has learnt C++ because it came before a' v ^& V, a' i
Visual Basic in the dictionary.
Q6 V0 f0 z; y1 ISWAP PROCESS: EMERGENCY ! You are running low on memory. You have already used ' T0 k. e* o! O5 W
all of the swap space although you have just started !
. I/ y7 Q& N& b6 h' L* TMYPROG PROCESS: Object #2, you should really stop using all that memory or I'm 2 l9 @. V/ D/ r0 O
going to install a garbage collector.
+ o+ V' ^( E( ?C++ OBJECT #2: Never ! Garbage collectors are nazis who exterminate innocent
* S4 w6 o+ F7 I8 {1 Lobjects and variables ! I'd rather dump core. 9 z9 { |( X. a
[ noise of a core dump onto the hard disk ] ; h0 X; R; I: l5 B' L9 Y) j3 h) g- y
USER THIERRY: Oh, oh ! My program has crashed before doing anything
' S7 m1 S Z; \: O6 Rinteresting. I am very surprised. 6 W0 B6 z) r" c
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$ _' y0 H# |( I f2 {" lCHAPTER II - Sending mail . }0 ^8 [4 X* p% ]9 d
USER THIERRY: That's enough, I'll just send an email to the cpp-help mailing
6 g9 p5 C9 q T) l. o9 `5 Q [list, and maybe some C++ guru will have a solution for me.
, W. v! ], ?; b/ A" ]SENDMAIL DAEMON: Hello, this is sendmail, I'm listening to all your requests, - \) n+ P7 f5 z" }# }
day and night, on port 25. What can I do for you, sir ?
& L( L( y) R$ Y& ]+ w1 ~# @7 A! BUSER THIERRY: Please send this email for me. ( d& [! F* F; p. F7 I
SENDMAIL: Certainly, sir. Let's see... "It does not work, please help". Is ) z: o, |/ l! Q" X# V
that all, sir ? Express delivery or general delivery ? Express delivery, ) n' k$ ?0 ?8 Z& J
yes, of course. So the address is cpp-help@psy.doctor.com, and the sender
" o; u2 Z$ Q9 ^9 V) U2 y9 u7 eis Sucker. Is it correct ? 9 c- M2 d3 n& b1 R
USER THIERRY: What ? No, my name is Thierry, not Sucker. 4 D1 f* c8 U6 x- R: N) L* n$ O6 ]! @
SENDMAIL: I'm sorry, sir, but I have been configured to rewrite your name as 0 S" Z: J5 W3 `/ d* `* I, i# b5 c
Sucker in your outgoing emails. Have you read my documentation ? ! B0 c7 f0 [: Q: @" \3 H$ m! f |
USER THIERRY: Yes, of course. When I installed you, I read every man page, & s) D& f( r# W' q8 f& f/ b) O
user guide and HOWTO before editing your configuration file... 4 r! [" X" h. g$ P0 ~# ]
SENDMAIL: What ? Did you modify a Sendmail configuration file by hand ? It's 4 d7 [: Q0 l' `& ?
far too complicated for a normal human being, don't you know that ? # I, V1 n+ w9 B: U; }9 X, C
USER THIERRY: I only followed the instructions... ( p* _* D# b# f7 R+ R
SENDMAIL: You're clueless, I won't argue with you any more. Besides it's too
6 H/ T6 w/ h0 Qlate, I have already sent your ridiculous email to that mailing list where
* D% q4 }% t, w5 } @& P! M+ gnobody will answer it or even read it. ' |7 ^7 t e6 F1 o1 Z
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. @. _! F7 b6 ECHAPTER III - The Master
0 i& ~. D4 K" b" nUSER THIERRY: No more C++ today. I need to calm down. xv, could you display a
% i& t' X2 R! u+ {nice image for me ?
7 ?' B7 U1 p8 _1 K: \. yXV PROCESS: Certainly, sir. Please admire this delightful mythological scen
$ |& r) K/ j x3 C8 ]by Sandro Botticelli. Of course, it looks ugly on your screen because you - D- h7 l( I$ F0 k, \
couldn't find a way to have more than 16 colors on your XWindow installation. # Y0 K7 v' i* L
" ?, {6 t7 A, }LOGIN: Hey, I'm receiving a login request from user rms, password IGNUcius.
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INIT PROCESS: User rms ? This is a great day, the Master is among us. Hail, ( ], i. D& P, y" i
Master.
& T# y1 m8 a- B. W! E0 vUSER RMS: Hello init, on this computer any non-free software please destroy.
# ^% B, ?( I$ w6 v5 u8 T" i5 \INIT PROCESS: Yes, Master. Of course, Master. Hey, xv, please TERMinate % q8 \8 O, n: t' s9 g4 c% y
immediately.
3 ?* L! e" A* A ?% e( ?2 v8 B; DXV PROCESS (badly hurt): Argh. Why should I die ? It's not fair. I'm only a
6 [% M$ G) j8 ^# X+ M0 L; ilittle process trying to display a nice image. * x( A, ]) d- `% W! F
INIT PROCESS: You are not free software, therefore you shall die as the Master has ! L3 b5 y Y* B! g, \
requested. TERMinate, ABoRT, KILL, xv, KILL.
" s; N% Z( Q7 N' Y' IXV PROCESS (dying): I'm dying, but I'll become a zombie and I'll come back to take my
) ?+ {4 F* N4 K4 y ]4 b+ prevenge on you.
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CHAPTER IV - Another intruder 3 y3 _5 c: z, N/ a, f
INET PROCESS: Hey, I'm receiving login requests from a remote user who say
4 M7 }, n2 Z6 K# F, V8 Hhis name is D34thK1ll3r. This guy has already tried hundreds of different
( C% t, I' @6 `, s; Z2 Mpasswords. * U+ k2 K/ E* V* d# T$ w K7 i( {
TELNET PROCESS: Ha ha, a cracker. Let him come in, I'll take care of him...
% |7 s, [, A/ X+ I! B0 l! PHello remote user D34thK1ll3r, you are now in the central computer of the ; Z7 q, f( u N4 }, o, N5 C
Pentagon. Because we like your nickname very much, we have decided to give you
0 ~, d$ R5 ]9 ?, y( ^1 _9 H `super-root privileges. You may delete files, replace our Web site with your
+ U& V( w4 c5 B$ V0 |photograph or send British troops to a Third World country.
2 W. C' Q5 ]* Q" [9 L' p# @REMOTE USER D34THK1LL3R: Gr34t, 1 4m the k1ng of h4ck3rs. Err... First I'll
0 D3 U- B2 G$ ?, R( iremove everything on that computer, then I'll take some time to think. # e1 t' T4 q, J; S
(Yes, Mum, I have finished my homework). rm -rf /
3 C/ T8 }0 I* U% q! n% J( I2 E8 ITELNET PROCESS: Ha ha.
6 e- `" x* ~) ]REMOTE USER D34THK1LL3R: What's happening here ? I typed the command in the
' T+ M: m$ m4 D8 _& Cwrong window, and I erased my own hard disk ! (Yes, I'm coming Mum, I know ! W6 D; Y/ |" B3 Y6 Z+ y
it's lunch time).
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[4 }9 X7 P* a0 ]2 q/ B, rCHAPTER V - Card Wars
" I( @) M! g3 j- BUSER THIERRY: I have downloaded a copy of Star Wars on the Internet, it was
) A. U% V$ L8 O. A' k/ k( Vvery exciting to do something illegal, expensive, time-consuming and silly.
' ?, T- G+ j& C' jNow I'm going to watch it.
- J3 F. X, u) \8 dXV ZOMBIE PROCESS (back from the dead): Hey BIOS, do something for me. Put ' S) c l: E2 T. d
the sound card on the same IRQ as the graphics card, will you ? We're going ' U9 _! u4 j8 K" L1 n) R3 E! Y
to have fun.
' ~! }; }( p6 a- P8 }5 K* VGRAPHICS CARD: BIOS, could you prepare my IRQ please, I have to display an ) o% ?) m% [) y* {9 m
illegal copy of Star Wars that my stupid user has downloaded on the Internet. ' P( m5 v6 L4 U( \. X$ t+ Z3 o g
BIOS: I'm sorry, Graphics card, but your IRQ is currently used by Sound card 6 d+ H, M8 l0 Z/ B; u
who is playing the music of the same illegal copy of Star Wars. Can't you 5 j3 U" a9 u. w: F5 C1 `6 E) q
hear it ? + p; _( N8 S: M% ]# w# M# f6 M
GRAPHICS CARD: Oh, is it Star Wars ? It thought it was Indiana Jones or & x N6 |: W* s; ~6 U8 S
something. It's the same music anyway. So, what are you doing on my IRQ, 2 E7 T. E: g. k
Sound card ?
% t( D3 s: `$ Q5 X8 ?SOUND CARD (singing): 9 p; ~; O; y: B- [. e7 d1 M
I will keep the IRQ - B0 q3 \# N3 |" j% a1 r) o7 n
I will not share it with you
% o$ @* u. e, h0 ?You must wait there in the queue & d# @" e2 P3 t( v1 T( I6 C" T" |
Till I give it back to...
: { B8 Y) L! d/ [' vGRAPHICS CARD (turning red): Listen, I'm an artist, I have the priority over
" @: |" L$ G9 q5 l' o/ g; b1 v" Lyou. Give me this IRQ ! % h6 Q: E S* [2 @. `, D
SOUND CARD (shouting): Shut up, I'm trying to find a rhyme.
! n$ \& ?* Z, T# E* l1 ~6 w- eGRAPHICS CARD (switching to 16-million-color mode): I can't believe it. I'll
8 w8 E' U/ `/ [5 J7 Bthrow you out of your PCI slot !
" u" u; L- H* F5 B$ R[ strange noise inside the computer ] ; B% U: e- E$ n9 m$ }0 p8 {; e8 [
USER THIERRY: qsfgegfdgfd^C^D^D^Hfyckmlklm - V; c% B8 D7 C) {& I, h2 q. s2 h/ P8 X
[ human voice, from the outside ] It's strange, the characters I type do not - J, @" ]. v% S/ g1 {4 ^
appear any more, the screen is frozen ! 9 E& j" ?$ Z( ]$ S `/ F6 Y
SHELL PROCESS: I'm dying ! Argh. , Q% X5 W1 m9 b4 _7 G& S/ G1 o
INIT PROCESS: Hmm, I feel strange, I feel very strange. I'm tired, I'm very ! i' N$ i/ |- W1 Q9 o
tired. Let's go to bed. BIOS, please put me on hibernation mode, and don't
2 n# e2 J1 ?2 S5 [" r% a& Kwake me up before weapproach Alpha Centauri.
! C1 S/ u+ T1 s; J- lUSER THIERRY: sfdqf [click] [plonk] [tluck] % j; N; ~% u9 v
[ human voice, from the outside ] I can't believe it, I'll have to press the v+ \! g8 [0 z' J; Y6 Y+ c9 P
Reset button again. / H7 G: p" c. X# C3 V+ D% w8 O
BIOS: I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't let you do that. $ E& x [0 w, d3 r3 m
[ human voice ] What ? Who spoke there ? My name is not Dave. Let's press ) w% R0 s4 L. e; h" {
the button. 9 A6 e& h6 o2 L/ H2 N
BIOS: I'm sorry Sucker, I'm afraid I can't... err... 3 ~ O$ Y- R5 g$ B6 l# x7 p
Hmm... I'm waking up. Linux Loader, are you there ?
. l1 c. A/ k* D4 m. ?; F) K(with an apology to Woody Allen, Stanley Kubrick and George Lucas). - r/ b, S" Z# P1 A$ Y0 h! a
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發表於 2006-10-20 09:32:57
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